Chapter 6

Miracle of love exposed in ICSA

Miracle of Love has been finally exposed to the international academic and researcher world of ICSA.
On june 30 2007 I presented a session on the group Miracle of love.at the International Cultic Study Association conference in Bruxelles. (June 29-July 1),

I have done my part together with my friend Gina Catena and Sjoukje Drenth-Bruintjes, dutch exit counselor and good friend. The presentation was well done and well received.
Now the information is out there. A recording of the speech can be purchased at the website of ICSA.

Mol indoctrination on fear.
During my involvement with the organization I was truly taken aback when I heard of friends who left Mol or were kicked out.
First of all, I often didn’t understand why people would leave. To me MoL was providing a venue to pursue a spiritual goal and although the “way” of going at “it” was treacherous and full of austerity, I was hoping with every next event, Intensive seminar, Retreat or personal guidance to achieve the dreamed state of “full awareness” and “compassionate love”. We all believed in it and we were committed to help each other to reach that task.

Walk away
Many of the "walk aways” never really cut the ties with Mol. This way, they never truly recovered from the damage of the group influence. Some of these people have had relapses and returned to Mol, love bombed by the members of the group. They also received special treatment and praises for having “won over the illusion” of the outside world and “understood” the real purpose of MoL. Of course, after the initial welcome and sometimes upgrade to a position of leadership, life would become tough again, but at that point all the resistance would have been broken and the domestication was firmly in place, reinforcing conformity and social belonging.

Most people came back because they were missing exactly that “special bonding” amongst people, and couldn’t cope with their loneliness.

When two of my best friends left, I started wondering what was so negative about Mol that these committed people turned their shoulder to the organization. Both of them were involved at a very deep level and were part of a very selective and special team, both for Kalindi and the Lady. In my eyes, they had everything, being close to the masters and having a special status in the hierarchy. It was hard to get them to tell me what happened to them. Each (separately) didn’t want to put any blame on Mol or Kalindi, but they both left because what was asked of them was far beyond what they wanted to give. One of them was asked to donate his million dollar house to Kalindi, and the other had a real conflict of power with Kalindi and Lady Gayle.
But both didn’t want to speak about it. Eventually they confided their motivations and reason to me.

Mol truth versus secrecy
Their silence has protected the misgivings of MoL, and as far as I know, none of the many long term members who left every spoke out adversely to MOL in public.
MoL teaches that dissenters, the rebellious, the walk aways and in general ex members are not to be trusted.
When you leave, you find yourself still under the spell of these teachings, and you are afraid to freely express your personal experience, let alone to be negative about an organization which you supported for a long time.

Mol makes certain that you are programmed not to declare anything about the organization to the media or interested partners. The indoctrination with fear is so dominant that hardly anyone would feel it would be worth going through the discomfort and possible harassment from Mol. People who walk away from MoL choose therefore to sweep the abuse and manipulation they were the object of and witnessed in others under the carpet.

MoL Heterosexual policy
In ’98 or so Mol came out with a new policy of membership.

Homosexuals could no longer participate in the work of the MoL mission. From one day to another, they had to leave the group. Kalindi recorded a deluded rationalization on tape.
If they really wanted, they could be re-accepted - but only if they would be ready to “let go” of their homosexuality and “turn” heterosexual.
A rose is a rose is a rose. But Kalindi doesn't think that way.
This was one of the greatest mistakes Kalindi inflicted on devoted and very beautiful people. On the other hand personally I am happy for them they didn’t waste any more time and money to be on their knees at her feet.

This homosexual policy cut down tremendously Mol membership. Not only did the gays leave because they had to, but many of their friends and others who dissented this new "delirium" of Kalindi left as well. I remember that time vividly - how cried silently, to be part of such a selective, abusive and discriminative group. At that time, I had been living in the Mol community for one year and I had already sacrificed much and cut ties with much of my past, it was difficult for me to think about leaving.
After having questioned enough and without receiving an appropriate answer, only prescript Mol bullshit, I silenced my doubts. I kept working very hard to learn compassion and unconditional love from leaders who were the most discriminating people I ever met.

A testimonial of a gay former Mol member:
http://www.tothegateway.org/gateway/Michael-Sigmann

Castaway or kicked out
When I heard the brother of my ex-boyfriend was kicked out I collapsed inside. I guess in many ways I had received signs of what would happen to me if I would continue to rebel, voice my doubts, argue with the leaders and not really learning the “surrendering ways”.
Even in this situation, my friend never spoke about it and in fact he was still protecting and defending MoL's decision. It was his fault and not Mol sinister ways of dealing with people. MoL leaders told him to go and work on his anger. It sounds familiar!!!

Mol doesn’t speak about the people that have been kicked out.
As members we were told not to question the ways leadership would decide someone’s life and/or participation in Mol activities. There has been always a coat of silence over certain people. Simply from one day to the other you wouldn’t hear from them anymore and if you would ask where did they go, the answer mostly was: they are taking time to reflect whether they want to be in Mol or not. When in reality they already left or were told to leave.

The secrecy of Mol is kept in place by a silent agreement not to reveal anything, trivial or very meaningful, about the ways you are “worked through’. The rationalization is that you as a member cannot understand the ways of the master and the ways of breaking free. If breaking free would be that easy then everyone would be free and there would be no need for Kalindi and Mol to exist.

I personally received guidance from Mazzarati not to badmouth the MoL mission and was threaten that my "consciousness will be hurt" if I would speak.
My consciousness will be hurt if I stay silence.
My biggest freedom is to be myself completely and no one can ever take that away from me. No one ever was able and no one ever will be able!

After years of spiritual life and much bullshit too, I simply appreciate the simple gift of living and to express your passage on earth with the true colors of your essence.
Why should I be silent about my life and of those around me?

I stand here to prove that real courage is to overcome fear - not to feel no fear.
I have a lot to say on this subject but I want to finish with a sense of completion I had after the ICSA presentation.
It is freeing to express your opinion, and it's even more fulfilling to tell your story.

And my story goes on.
After all I am a mountain girl who doesn't stop easily in front of challenges. Rather I am embracing them. Sweet rambo Milena

More to come.
I am very busy these days as my friend Lorena is coming in town to have fun with me and sing together with Peter Makena concert and workshop here in Amsterdam.
My favorite song during my recovery from MoL indoctrination.
It is a song of freedom to be oneself.

Invitation. (ORIAH Mountain dreamer)

......It doesn't interest me if the story
you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true
to yourself; if you bear the accusation of betrayal, and
not betray your own soul.......


See also:
The goose is out - first article by me, posted on the Rick Ross website
A warning on Miracle of Love
Sarlo's Guru Ratings on Kalindi and MoL